I Wonder

I often like to stop and stare at things and wonder and just think about them… Since becoming a mother I've had less opportunity to do so, and sometimes I feel like it's wasting time when I do have the chance to do it. That's why I'm so glad we've been talking about wonder and awe at church lately, and what better time to stop and wonder about things than at Christmas because of all it's about. Doesn't it blow your mind that God would send His son to us?? Maybe it's different for parents -- I have a different way of thinking now that I have a son. Jesus came and was killed by his people who didn't recognize him, didn't care, didn't notice… I could never do it. It's a crazy kind of love we don't understand. 

Part of the reason Xander wasn't dedicated until he was almost one is because I kept putting it off -- there was this idea in my head that if I gave him up to God officially then he wasn't mine anymore. I feel like I love him too much to give him away… to anyone, even God! Weird, I know, but I spent a good few times praying and crying and wondering about it all but I finally realized Xander already belongs to God and he did before he was born, I'm just so thankful to be lucky enough to be the one who gets to raise him. Alexander was the name I got in a dream when we were thinking of having a baby. It's of greek and dutch origin meaning "defender of men" or "defender of the people". So God named him and has some plans for him I'm sure. I wonder how it will all pan out!

Another thing I wonder about a lot since the beginning of my pregnancy is how Mary felt, not just when the angel came telling her what was going to happen, but how did she feel the whole nine months leading up to the birth of Jesus? Did she get mad at God for morning sickness or labour pains like I did? Did she fall in love with his tiny newborn features when she first held him in her arms? Right now I'm wondering how she dealt with his toddler years! Seriously, though, do you think Jesus had tantrums because Mary didn't let him eat play-doh? (Or whatever the heck they had to play with!!) Did Jesus stress Mary out during "The Wonder Weeks"? I guess she didn't have the app on her phone to tell her which weeks he would be acting up or why… There's a lot to wonder about!! 

So it being Christmas right now, here's a newborn picture to look at in awe and wonder and amazement that God creates such ridiculously cute and tiny and fragile and curious and good-smelling and sleep stealing things. And think about how INSANE it is that He decided to come to earth as one of these!!! Look at those lips and eyelashes and fingernails! God is SO big but this thing is SO tiny! What even?! Why?! Don't even worry though, His thoughts are not ours so we can just keep on wondering… Merry Christmas, He loves you!